Excerpt from the “Blame Game” section of “The Wit’s End Newsletter” Oct/Nov 1999: Written for parents of children who struggle with learning disabilities
“The Blame Game”
by Jinni Bradfield
One of the most upsetting things for parents of ADHD children is realizing that they or their spouse may have passed the problem on to their child. “Current research shows that ADHD [is] 30% to 50% inherited” (Woodrich, 1994, p. 27).
If you are like most parents, you have been doing everything in your power to enable your child to grow up bright, healthy, and happy. You have tried to boost his (or her) intellect by reading to him and playing creatively, and you give him all the attention and guidance you can. But suddenly you realize that along with all the good things, you have actually passed on an albatross, a burden that he will have to carry the rest of his life—ADHD.
If ADHD did not have such a devastating effect on a child’s ability to learn in the classroom and function in society, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad, but the natural impulses and distractibility of attention deficit put a child at a serious disadvantage and cause him to make mistakes and misjudgments that he might not otherwise make. What an awful thing to pass on to your child.
But before you start blaming yourself and your genes, think of this as a blessing. I am serious!
If you are the parent who has ADHD, then you already know how rough it can be for your child, because you have grown up with it. Everyday things like remembering to bring homework to school and standing quietly in line demand extreme levels of self-control.
And you probably still struggle with ADHD as an adult, but over the years, you have come up with a number of “tricks” that let you compensate for ADHD-related problems. Maybe you started making lists to keep track of your responsibilities. In school, you took extensive notes in class so that you didn’t miss important facts. And you’ve learned to give yourself an extra 20 minutes in the morning before work because you tend to lose track of time.
So, pass your “bag of tricks” on to your child. Give your child ways to re-focus his attention, sit still a few minutes longer, think ahead before he acts or speaks. Let him practice what to say in tough situations. Role play a bit with him.
As your child begins to realize that Mom or Dad knows what he is going through and can help, he will try harder on his own.
Statistics source: Wodrich, D. L. (1994). Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What Every Parent Wants to Know. Baltimore: Paul H. Brookes.